It's What I Do
by Achiri
Summary: It reminded her a soap opera. Raining that day, she knew but he didn't. Remaining in melancholy, he seeks for a way for her to acknowledge him as her lover, as well as for her to accept him as himself, the way his soul goes. [Chap.01]


A/N: sighs another story from me. And again, another Tai/Mimi/Matt love triangle. Can't stand that love tragedy! But, this happens to be long. Anyway, hope you like this, here goes.

_**It's What I Do **_

**Mimi's POV**

"And then Sora told me…" Tai. My dear Tai, it will be always Sora, right?

"Tai, do you love me?" I managed to ask him daringly. He looked at me strangely.

"Of course I do!" strange…I swear I hear doubt in his voice.

"Anyway, back to Sora's joke…" I wonder if he's even mine. The way he acts at me. Does he love me?

"Tai, me or Sora?" cutting him off again, I asked.

He was surprised and shocked, I expect it.

"Of course it is you!" he gave a hug and pecked my cheek. He began again, and it was about Sora. Again.

I reckon he doesn't love me at all. His kiss never was warm, his hug, it was never secure. Does he love me?

"Mimi, you should stop doubting I don't love you." Snapped out from my thoughts, he said. He was smiling down at me, and I smiled back. "Thanks." He kissed my forehead and sighed. "Want another joke?" with a smirk, he offered. I giggled and nodded.

"Ok, there was…"

I never bothered to listen; instead, I looked at my shoes. Again, with this question in my head, does he love me?

**Matt's POV**

I just finished the poem I just written. I was hoping to drop it inside her locker. But, never mind…she is with somebody else…so why bother.

There she was again, in my best friend's arms. I tried…everyday at least she would give me that kind of attention, even if it costs more than me. I know. I don't know why I've been chasing her like a fan that's totally extreme of his idol.

Still, couldn't believe of my best friend kissing her…I wish it was me. I could've kissed her with much more love, passion and desire; I would've kissed her better than him…

Like that will ever happen…There are wishes left unfulfilled, so maybe mine is in that one too. I can only have her, in my dreams, my fantasies that I reckon that it will never happen, she already has someone, and so, why did nature did that? It was destiny. My destiny to have a half cracked heart. God I'm only a fourth year high school student and I just wanna die. Mimi. If only she knew.

If only she knew that her smiles made me have butterflies in my stomach, if only she knew that I am here wishing to be loved by her only, only her, Mimi Tachikawa. If that will ever happen, I won't share her with anyone else, I am selfish and I don't care. If ever it will be true…I doubt.

I could go on forever, telling everything what I feel for her right now, everything about her, from the pro to the con…god, thinking of Mimi Tachikawa had been my habit, and if I restrain, I don't know what to do, probably waiting to be loved by the person you cherish the most, playing the waiting game.

Every song, every word was for her, the tiny bits and pieces I've wrote in a sheet of paper was for her, it might sound cheesy but she had been my inspiration, the words and tunes just go with the flow, like waters streaming to the sea from the river…and it won't stop 'til forever, as I will forever love her.

I put the enveloped poem inside my pocket, sighing.

"Hey Yama!" I turned to look around, closing my locker. She was smiling few feet away from me, waving her hand, calling my name…but with someone else. I didn't smile back, and the more I see her with someone else, the more I can never be with her. This poem inside my pocket, leave.

Why did she have to call me? If I am not important to her like Tai meant to her? She was always been someone's possession but not mine.

I started to group my courage from everywhere in my essence into one, walking towards them; I could see a content and happy couple.

"Hey Matt, Mimi and I are going to the arcade, wanna come?" Tai…I don't know why I am so mad at him. Hey, it wasn't his fault he loves Mimi, the reasons are like mine too, but the difference is mine was hidden, and yet, it doesn't seem the reason is originally from me…I wasn't the first.

I feel guilty, feeling this way to my best friend. He was innocent and naïve to know. He doesn't know of me liking his girl…I shouldn't take blame.

Love…you are the strangest thing.

I shook my head, signing a no. I can't stand both of them starting to kiss on front of me; it was always like that when we usually hang out.

I was at the back, watching them, I was alone, neither left nor right there's anyone beside me, but my shadow.

But, it wasn't only me who feels that way. Sora loved Tai and still do, she tried to be happy and perky all the time, that she reminded me of Mimi, but she differs a lot to Mimi…her smiles weren't sincere…but behind was full of agony and pain, I feel sorry for her.

I don't blame her.

"Why not?" she pouted in such a disappointment.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"But man, I thought you want to go with me!" he said, putting an arm around her, and obviously she snuggled up to him.

A sting of jealousy stabbed me, my knees are going to fall…

"Kamiya! Practice right now!" A fellow jock of Tai's told him with the soccer ball and in his soccer uniform. I glanced at Mimi, a tint of depression in her eyes. Was there something wrong?

I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry Matt, Mimi." He apologized. I just gave him a stern nod, while hearing Mimi sigh.

He then looked down to her, putting a hand at her cheek. I'm going to fall apart.

"I'm sorry Mimi…" I heard him say softly.

I looked into her eyes; they were down and probably miserable.

"What about this! Matt, can you and Mimi go to the arcade?" Tai favored. What? Me and Mimi?

I just shrugged, I don't know what to say, it meant lifetime going out with her at least once, and here it is! But, reality check, Matt. She's not yours.

"I'll accept that as a yes!" he said with a grin. I looked at him questioningly, but didn't bother to say a word.

"What about you Meems!" Mimi looked really depressed. And I feel that way too, one, because I don't have her, and two…she wants Tai's company instead of mine.

It hurts, a lot.

"Ok then…but…I'll miss you." She said melancholy.

'Ok, see ya tomorrow sweetie!" he leaned down to kiss her cheek, and what bothered me is he didn't kissed her at the lips…I don't know…it just bothers me.

He then broke up went to the field, and yelled at me, "Don't do anything stupid with my girlfriend Ishida!"

Like I will.

"Hey Matt!" I looked at her, smiling beautifully. Her eyes…I can't resist to look at them, drown into her caramel orbs, I never felt this way before.

"Let's go!" with her cheery voice, it made me melt. We exited the campus as we walked to the mall. It's been a wonder you know? Every time I see the sky dark and cloudy, I know something bad will happen to me.

Shrugging off the thought, I couldn't help but to beam that I was hiding. It made me feel like I'm me again, with her, without my best friend.

Though, this was for once only, after this, I can't spend time with her again, she belongs to someone already.

And it wasn't me.

Unexpected, her slender fingers entwined with my cold ones, I looked at our hands, and hers suits perfect in mine, if…

If only she was mine.

**Mimi's POV**

Matt…Matt again. You know what's funny? I have a feeling Tai doesn't love me. With his excuses for our plans, it was always Matt, the substitute.

"Uh Matt," He looked down on me, with his amazing cerulean eyes that glimmers wonder, and, compare to Tai, he is hotter than him. But, I still love Tai. I still do! Even if he left me with his own best friend just so he could practice soccer!

"Can we…just talk?" I favored. He turned away and nodded. No wonder he makes me turn off. I could've loved him. But with his cold aura, I don't know. We both went to Shinjuku Park, quietly sitting on the same bench.

I looked at him for a while; his eyes…were filled with melancholy. I've always wanted to know why.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" he finally spoke up. His voice…I admire him. His songs, were all supposed to be gothic rock, and now, his songs were like, _'if I lose you I don't know'_. What's wrong, Matt?

"Matt, it's about Tai." I told him as I played with my fingers, entwining them to the opposite.

"What about him?"

"We barely talk, see and spend time with each other on the past few weeks. Does he really love me?" I didn't know what came to me, but the words just left my soul, I mean, does he really love me? I mean, he left me at our passed dates last week because of soccer, for the team, for Sora, heck I'm his girlfriend so why should he care about Sora!

_She is his other best friend you know. _A voice came in my mind.

He didn't answer for a while, but I kept looking at him, waiting for his reply. Matt, Matt, Matt, to tell you the truth Matt I still have a feeling for you even with your gloomy presence, I still do.

"You know, when you love someone, you'll give up anything for your love, even if it costs your life, you'll give up anything, your possessions," he started, looking down to his shoes, I saw tear fall from his eye, it hit me. I looked at him, still gazing at the ground. I was shocked by his answer.

"Yamato," he interrupted me.

"He loves you Mimi, please don't take it wrong." There was bittersweet. He was angry at something, and I don't know.

I just flashed him a smile and thanked.

It wasn't soon that we just noticed the dark clouds blocked the sun, ironically it rained.

"Just peachy!" I told him, both of us getting wet. I looked at him and he laughed. He tried his best covering his hair, but now it was wet and down. I found him cute.

I giggled. He smirked at me, grabbing my hand.

"Let's get going now; I don't want you to catch a cold." I smiled, he was smiling too, and his eyes, I really found him cute. He cared about me.

"Hey Matt, let's just stay here, please." I enjoyed his company. Tai wouldn't let me get wet under the rain.

He laughed. "I'm so sorry to be a killjoy Mimi, but really, your nose is already getting red." He teased. I pretend to be hurt.

He just laughed as he took off his jacket putting it around my shoulders. I looked at him, rubbing himself with his hands. He's sweet. Unlike Tai. He never offered me his jersey or jacket. To him, his jacket was special just because it was the jacket Sora gave him. God, it's only Sora, his best friend, I'm her girlfriend hello! So why other people think they should be together! Tai loves me! Right?

He loves me…I…

I came up with a hurtful realization…that he didn't love me, but Sora. I love Tai, but I can't stop thinking and keep comparing myself, to Sora. My dear best friend, Sora.

**Narrator's POV**

"He doesn't love me." Word vomiting, Matt strangely gave her a look. Even with the rain, he could manage to see what are raindrops and tears. He stroked her back for her comfort.

"Again, please don't take it wrong, Mimi. If I know a person who loves you most, it's…" trailing off, he looked away from afar, a tear came streaming from the corner of his eye. _It's me. _

"It's Tai." He finished, his voice was barely audible.

She looked at him that he was gazing away from her, his eyes focused from afar.

She weakly smiled. "Then, why do I always compare myself to Sora?" she asked with a shaky voice. She sneezed while he looked at her and smirked. Handing his half-dried handkerchief, she thanked him and blew her nose.

"Do you really think Sora's more important to Tai than you?" back at her question, he asked back.  
Pondering, she nodded once. He looked at his feet.

"All we talk about is, Sora." He smirked.

"That's kinda expected. He does it to everyone." Out of the blue, she hugged her arm as she blew her nose once again.

**  
Matt's POV**

I smiled down at her, pointing at her red nose.

"You're sick." She grinned, closing her eyes as she leaned her head on my shoulder. Her hands clutching my arm, never felt this thing so right.

Her touch…so smooth, gentle, she's near me and I can't resist of her presence, far and near. I couldn't help but to blush when she snuggled up to me closer, it already made me warm.  
I heard her sneeze. Looking down at her, she smiled weakly up to me. I hope this wouldn't end. No, not now.

"Hey Matt, thanks." She thanked me. I blushed. While she giggled.

"You're so cute." She told me. I blushed again. Did she just say I'm cute!

**Narrator's POV**

"You know, you're sweeter than Tai." She whispered. Matt turned his head face her. A faint blush across his cheeks. But he was shocked by her sudden outburst. She met his eyes, dazed and confused.

"Yamato, I-" she was about to say something, something she really wanted of him to know before she even went out with Tai, it was a feeling she didn't threw away, but she hid it all along. For him. It was awakening.

"Mimi!" out of nowhere, Tai yelled. The two looked back to see Mimi's boyfriend in rage.

With no hesitation, Tai tackled Yamato on the ground, making a splash, both of them very wet.

"Tai! What was that for!" a furious Mimi demanded.

He didn't answer as he reached on to Matt's collar.

"What the fuck are you two doing in the rain! I told you to take care of her! And now I see her getting sick Ishida!"

He punched him on the jaw. A trickle of warm blood coming out from his mouth.

"You are so sick Ishida!" Tai enraged. Matt was defenseless.

Matt glared at him, but did not attempt to hurt his best friend. It didn't matter to him though. _My life is worthless, no importance, not to anyone. I might as well die. _But, part of him didn't want to, saying there was so much to know he doesn't yet, and they were important.

"Fuck off me." He silently said, his lips tasting the rain. Tai was about to punch him, but Mimi held his fist.

"Tai…please…let Matt go. He did no wrong, believe me." She broke down into tears.

Tai sighed as he stood up from Matt.  
He stood beside Mimi, putting an arm around her. But she shrugged his arm off as she knelt down to him.

"Matt, are you alright?" she put her soft hand on his cheek; he felt her touch, wishing again…

_I wish she was mine. _

"Mimi, let's go." Tai latched his hand on her arm, gripping it tightly. "No…what about Matt?" she said as she took his hand, rubbing it. The rain poured harder than before. Sadly, it reminded her a soap opera.

"Matt! Mimi can I ask you something! Me or Matt!" Tai bellowed.

Matt stood wiping the blood with his hand, shrugging Mimi's hand off him.

He knew the answer. _I…just don't want to hear it. _

Mimi closed her eyes tightly as she started to think of whom. It was difficult than a college exam.

She opened her teary eyes, blinking rapidly with the rain. She bit her lip and swallowed hard. She looked at Matt, standing on front of her, his back facing him, shadow unseen. _I'm sorry, Tai. _

She was about to declare her answer, but Matt, who stood on front of her like a wet figurine interrupted. It was now or never, at least it had been said.

"Just to tell you Mimi…I love you." He said out loud, half facing her.

She was wide eyed; her eyes were like a puppy that was lost. His best friend's jaw dropped.

"I know…that, it seems so wrong and far off never will happen, you may think of me as naught of me right here, I just want you to at least know what I feel for you. The answer is obvious, and I respect that. Even if, you never love me. At least a bit." He took an envelope out of his pocket, seemed like a letter. He let go of the envelope in blue, as the wind just let it fly on front of her shoes. She picked it up, opening the letter.

It was a poem. Every bits and pieces of it, it stung her. No one loved her like that. No one wrote her a poem that made her heart flutter and divided into millions, it was a heartrending poem, and he felt that way, for her. Words were deep, it was passionate enough than a torrid kiss.

She was lost in his words. It hit her, right on her heart; she had been…hurting him all along.

Ignoring Tai who had been suggesting leaving the place and going for his apartment, she looked at Matt in cold in the rain, with no one with him, to share warmth.

"See you later." He said as a tear from his eye came down streaming 'til it clashed to the wet, muddy ground.

She just watched him leave, with Tai's arm around her shoulder.

_No one shed a tear,_

Looking at the poem which its letters faded, warm tiny drops from her eyes clashed the wet paper, its letters, won't last for long.

_For me. _

"Matt, I love you too." She whispered, as Tai realized. He removed his arm, looking at the ground, seem what, he was defeated for love.

**Matt's POV**

I know now, I don't need the answer. It's obvious.

Foolish of me to think of it that way the answer is evident and clear. Why do I even have to imagine that she can be at least mine?

I didn't look back, the scene would be too hurtful for me, and it would and will always be the same, like the dramas of a love triangle standing in the middle of the rain.

Cheesy but it hurts a lot. I started to walk alone with no one with me but my shadow, not looking back.

Neither left nor right, anyone be right here by my side. Melancholy, kill me now.

**Narrator's POV, the last scene**

Meanwhile, back at the park, a soaked and 'just cried' Mimi reread the poem all over again, the letters were already fading, seem what it wasn't going to be written down clearly this long in the rain. No one loved her like Matt. And after all she was having her euphoria with Tai; unbeknownst she was hurting him with innocence.

She pleaded with Tai, to let her stay in the park, never cared about the rain.

_Just tell me what to do to change, _

_So you can acknowledge me as your lover, _

_Tell me what you call for, _

_So at least I feel importance and worthiness from you, _

_Why? Because I love you._

_Is it the way I talk?_

_Teach me to tell you I love you _

_With much emotion and passion, _

_So I can tell everything I love about you. _

_Or is it the way I look?  
The way my eyes speak like _

_I never care?  
Please don't take it that way, _

_I'm always devoted to you,_

_Try to understand me, _

_Because I would only be on a one side of you.  
_

_Maybe it is the way my soul goes, does it?_

_Tell me everything you hate about me,_

_Is my ego too whole? Is it my careless words?_

_My cold exterior and aloofness to seclusion? _

_Or is it the green mind I have?_

_Give me a fortune to make myself perfect, _

_Just to suit the man you want to be with, _

_Because I never want to lose you._

_Is it really just you hate everything of me? Is that it?_

_I can't reciprocate the real me for the things you want, _

_I may not be that open to you, but I want you to know that_

_I'm always devoted to you, right? _

_Please try to understand me, _

_Because I would only be a one side and it is you,_

_It's what I do._

She won't miss her chance to be with him again this time.

**Haha…like the ending? Kidding, not really finished. What about the poem, originally by me. You think it sucks? Whatever. Just tell me if you all want another chapter, because I really want to, and even if you don't sorry but I am going to. Anyway, I changed my pen name to Nobody's Flicker, well, be it was supposed to be "No One's Light" but, it's kinda long. And I found "Hinky" baby-ish. I'll stop acting like one and grow up. Update will be…soon. **

**-Nobody. **


End file.
